<div>For those of you that have read the books / watched the show, I thought this was hilarious :)</div><div><br></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; "><b> DnD Campaign: A Game of Thrones</b></span></div>
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<div><br></div><div>> DM: Okay, so Sean is playing a nobleman, Kit is playing his bastard son, Emma's some dragon lady, </div><div>> Nick is playing a member of a rival house, and Maisie wants to be an eight-year-old ninja. Pete, </div>
<div>> what did you roll up?</div><div>> Pete: I'm a dwarf.</div><div>> DM: Uh... I *did* tell you that this was a fairly realistic campaign.</div><div>> Pete: I want to be a dwarf.</div><div>> DM: But you *always* play dwarves. It's getting -</div>
<div>> Pete: Alright, I'll be a human. A very *short* human. Oh, and I've maxed out my INT and CHA.</div><div>> DM: Ugh. Whatever. Just pick a house.</div><div>> Pete: Okay, I'll be part of Nick's. They're the richest.</div>
<div>> Nick: Small world.</div><div>> Pete: ...</div><div><br></div><div>//================================================================================================</div><div><br></div><div>>Sean: Does an 18 beat your AC?</div>
<div>>Nick: Nope. My turn.</div><div>>DM: Seriously, you guys are fighting in the middle of the goddamn street? Do you seriously think </div><div>>there won't be repercussions?</div><div>>Nick: 19.</div><div>
>Sean: Nope, no hit. Okay, I circle around and full attack.</div><div>>Nick: My hireling stabs you in the leg. He got a 23 on his to-hit.</div><div>>Sean: The fuck?</div><div>>Nick: Leadership feat, bitch.</div>
<div>>Sean: Fuck you, Nick.</div><div><br></div><div>//================================================================================================</div><div><br></div><div>> DM: Okay, Nick, you're at King's Landing. Your sister, Queen Cersei, greets you warmly. As twins, </div>
<div>> you've been close since childhood, and if you trust anyone in this Byzantine city, it's her.</div><div>> Nick: I start talking shit about her vagina.</div><div>> DM: Goddamn it, Nick, I am NOT going to roleplay your creepy incest fetish!</div>
<div>> Nick: That's not what you said during the session in Winterfell.</div><div>> DM: I was drunk.</div><div>> Kit: Uh, hello? Aren't we all supposed to be up north, near the wall?</div><div>> Nick: Fuck you, I want to fuck Cersei.</div>
<div>> Sean: She's your *sister.*</div><div>> Nick: That's not a no.</div><div>> DM: (Sigh) Alright, you start mocking your twin sister. Justifiably upset, she slaps you.</div><div>> Nick: I roll to seduce.</div>
<div>> Pete: Jesus fucking Christ.</div><div>> DM: Whatever, just roll for it.</div><div>> Nick: ...</div><div>> Pete: What the fuck, Nick?</div><div>> Nick: Natural fucking twenty!</div><div>> DM: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.</div>
<div><br></div><div>//================================================================================================</div><div><br></div><div>> Sean: Guys, this has been really fun - </div><div>> Emma: Hey, look, I'm fucking this Mongolian guy!</div>
<div>> Sean: But I -</div><div>> Emma: He's got all these braids and shit -</div><div>> Sean: - really need to -</div><div>> Emma: - and he's hung like a horse, and the Dothraki -</div><div>> Sean: Alright, STOP.</div>
<div>> Emma: I don't see why you need to yell.</div><div>> Sean: George, Emma's been here for the last twelve sessions, and she hasn't done anything except </div><div>> tell us how wonderful the Dothraki are, and how hot her Mongol boyfriend is, and how she's the lost </div>
<div>> princess of the super secret dragon people. For the last twelve sessions, all you've done is lavish </div><div>> her character with gifts, when she's done fuck all to deserve them. I'm waist high in pig shit and </div>
<div>> begging for my life, and the worst thing Emma's had to deal with so far is a bad batch of wine that </div><div>> your DMPC CONVENIENTLY managed to save her from. I'm fucking tired of it. Fuck you, George. Just </div>
<div>> because you're fucking Emma doesn't mean you have to fuck us, too. </div><div>> DM: Okay.</div><div>> Sean: ... what?</div><div>> DM: At the last second, King Joffrey changes his mind. "Ser Ilyn," he says, "Bring me his head!"</div>
<div>> Sean: Fuck you, George. I'm leaving.</div><div>> Emma: Well that was rude.</div><div>> Nick: He shouldn't have lost his head.</div><div><br></div><div>//================================================================================================</div>
<div><br></div><div>>DM:Well Sean, glad to see you've gotten over that little incident.</div><div>>Sean: Whatever</div><div>>DM: So let's see your character...your old character's son, with the same stats and personality as </div>
<div>> your last character...</div><div>>Sean: Also, I'm going to declare myself King in the North and attack Nick's family.</div><div>>DM: Goddammit Sean</div><div><br></div><div>//================================================================================================</div>
<div><br></div><div>>Sean: Okay, since my characters unfortunate death, I'm going to be running this next adventure. George, </div><div>>you can play the Mongol boyfriend.</div><div>>George: Okay, I guess that's cool. Just try not to mess u..</div>
<div>>Sean: Roll a fortitude save.</div><div>>George: Natural 20, and my +9 bonu..</div><div>>Sean: Your character dies.</div><div>>Emma: No! You can't kill my Mongol Boyfriend! I love him so much and he gave me a white horse and killed </div>
<div>>my evil brother without breaking his own strange code of honor and he's going to march on Kings Landing </div><div>>just like George said he would and kill all your characters and give me the throne! </div>
<div>>Sean: Okay, okay. The witch lady can save him. You just have to go against everything he stands for. Oh, </div><div>>and you're going into labor.</div><div>>Pete: Sean, I think you may be going too far.</div>
<div>>Sean: Fuck you, Pete. Stay out of this.</div><div>>Sean: No reason to get short with me.</div><div><br></div><div>//================================================================================================</div>
<div><br></div><div>>Sean: All right, so your mongol boyfriend is dead and the witch is reviving him.</div><div>>Emma: Yay! Now we can conquer the world together. He's unbeatable, you know, and he's got an entire horde </div>
<div>>of mongols! We're going to win back the throne I lost as a child! I can't wait to see him. I'm going to go </div><div>>see how it's going. </div><div>>Sean: Right, right. Make me a fortitude save as you enter. </div>
<div>>Emma: Why?</div><div>>Sean: No worries. Seems you fail. You go into labor. The witch comes over and helps you deliver. The child </div><div>>is stillborn.</div><div>>Emma:What? No! Me and my mongol boyfriend had such plans for him and I totally ate a horse heart and </div>
<div>>everything--</div><div>>Sean: The witch informs you that you had to trade a life for a life. Your Mongol Boyfriend is alive. Would </div><div>>you like to speak to him?</div><div>>Emma: Of course. We've lost our child but--</div>
<div>>Sean: He drools on you. He can't speak. You see, the witch rolled a natural one on her heal check---</div><div>>George: That's not how that works!</div><div>>Sean: And I just lost two characters. Look? See. I rolled. 1. </div>
<div>>George: You're making her cry!</div><div>>Sean: You know what can't cry? My character's severed head. Rocks fall, everyone dies.</div><div>>Emma: I'm going to run into my Mongol Boyfriend's funeral pyre! I can't live without him!</div>
<div>>George:....with your possessions, right?</div><div>>Sean: What does it matter? She wants to die, let her die. You and everything on your sheet start to burn.</div><div>>George: Her dragon eggs hatch.</div><div>
>Sean: What?</div><div>>George: It's right there on page 420 of the Draconomicon. It's how you hatch them. Extreme heat.</div><div>>Sean: -flips table- THAT'S IT, CAMPAIGN OVER.</div><div><br></div><div>
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